I bought a pair of work trousers from Asda today. Bog standard, boot-cut, bargain basement £12 trousers. I have not worn anything of the boot-cut variety since 2010 when I had my interview for my current job and traipsed to Next for a suit and matching jewellery. The item was rarely worn again for several reasons 1) it's not really my style 2) whenever I did wear it pupils asked if I was going to a funeral and 3) it restricted my ability to lark around playing "Bear in the Woods" and such like (yes, this is what I do on a day to day basis). I mention this because I am having one of those days where I feel utterly bleugh! We were recording in class today and I caught a glimpse of myself on camera and I felt completely drab and that forbidden word... old. I slept in this morning and in doing so went to work wearing yesterdays make up and a pair of petite trousers. The worrying thing about this is I am not petite therefore teamed with a pair of chelsea boots I looked like an urchin who had grown out of her clothes especially when I threw on my two sizes too big, sheepskin charity shop jacket. A great man once said, "Success is dependent on effort"... if only I could find it.
Effort is my enemy this month because everything seems to require so much of it. January is the month we take stock of our lives. We reflect on the year past and look to what we are going to achieve in the year ahead and tell ourselves we'll do it as better human beings (I will cleanse, tone and moisturise every day. I will use my gym membership more often). Only, January is such a shitty month to make the effort. It's dark, it's cold and everyone's skint. Tomorrow I have promised I will get up when the alarm goes off. I will put my make up on properly and attempt a proper hair style. I will eat breakfast and make up my packed lunch and I will put on my new work trousers and a pair of heels even though I want to live under layers (for layers read duvet) until the dark mornings cease.
I'm not unhappy. In fact I've got lots to be happy about and I am and it's a nice feeling. I suppose I'm just a little S. A. D... And wanting to crawl under the duvet until spring is not helping me become a "better human being" however, it might mean more confessions are made from under it!
For more information on S. A. D. see this website: