Thursday, 7 February 2013

It's Not You... It's Me.

I'm sure the majority of you that have ever ended a relationship have used the phrase "It's not you... It's me." But how many of you actually meant it? I find myself in a new relationship, my first fresh relationship in six years, which is causing me to re-evaluate my opinion of myself and whether the view I have of my last relationship is extremely rose-tinted in my favour.

We are great at admitting our superficial-flaws: I need to eat more healthily; I've not been to the gym this week; I need to try harder at work etc... but to hear your real-flaws said out loud can often feel like a knife to the ego. Nobody likes to be criticised however, I find myself turning my thoughts painfully inward in an attempt to see what others see and recognise my negative traits. My reason for doing so is that I find myself behaving in a way that's not reared it's head since my last relationship...

I am bossy. I am childish. I am critical. I have a temper. 
I never think I'm wrong. 

Phew. I almost feel like I should have a name badge and be receiving a round of applause. I suppose the above are issues I have to address. However, It's not that easy changing your spots, as I am currently finding. My new relationship has made me reflect on my last relationship a lot, which I suppose is natural given the length of time we were together and operating on the Sex and the City theory that it takes half the time you dated someone to get over them (Christ, that means three years then!). Yes, I ended the relationship and yes, I probably threw around the "It's not you... It's me." phrase without actually meaning it. However, when you end a relationship which is essentially floating along nicely because you're in the midst of a quarter life crisis* you've got to focus on the negatives to convince yourself you've done the right thing... which I did. Consequently, it's got to the point where I can't quite recall how I felt in the beginning; where I'm struggling to remember the good stuff which far outweighed the bad but maybe that's what's required to move on.

It has been strange moving into my new home; unpacking items that have been in boxes since the end of my last relationship and recognising the resurfacing of characteristics I don't necessarily want to possess. I think I'll always be bossy but hopefully I'll learn how to deal with the rest (or find a man that will!).

*or mid-twenties menopause as I've recently heard it being labelled!

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